Life Lessons I Wish I Knew at 17 (That Blew My Mind at 40) Several weeks ago, I listened to a lecture by Sahnre Daffowt from The Order of Chaos that genuinely cracked my world wide the fuck open. It’s taken me this long to come to terms with most of these ideas, and a few that I’m still working on. I was raised in a deeply evangelical household, so a lot of the ideas presented in that lecture felt… insane and terrifying at first. But then they felt liberating. Like someone had finally handed me the keys to the kingdom of my own damn life. This post is inspired by what I took away from that lecture, mixed with a few gut-punch realizations of my own. I originally wrote this list for my 17 year old daughter, hoping she might get a head start on some of the lessons it took me decades to even begin to grasp. You can find the lecture that inspired this here: https://youtu.be/MxjrfjLN9hY?si=tvykU1Ds1BM_U4xU
Here’s what I want her (and all of us) to remember:
1. Stop Hoping - Start Deciding Hope feels soft and sparkly, but every time you use that word, you’re giving your power away. Hoping for a better life still leaves room for it not to happen. What changed everything for me was shifting from hope to decision. Decide what you want. Name it. Claim it. Start acting like it’s already yours, and then move like hell in that direction.
2. Life Has No Built-In Meaning (And That’s Where Your Power Is) One of the biggest epiphanies I’ve had recently is this: life is empty and meaningless. This is also the one that scared me the most. I think for the most part I’ve started to integrate this way of thinking into my life, but there are still some moments of panic that come up when I start playing the “what if” game, but I’m learning to quickly shut that shit down! If nothing has inherent meaning, then I get to decide what matters. There’s no script I have to follow. No divine authority telling me I’m doing it wrong. That’s sovereignty.
3. Desire Without Attachment It’s okay to want things. It’s okay to want big things. Wild things. Weird things. Material things. Emotional things. Desire gives you direction. But clinging to it like your life depends on the outcome? That’s where the suffering starts. I’m learning to want deeply and still be okay with whatever comes. Trusting that it’ll either be exactly what I need, or it’ll show me something even better.
4. Master Your Mind, Master Your Emotions You are not your feelings. You are the one who notices your feelings, and that means you can learn to shift them. When I catch myself spiraling into worst-case scenarios, I stop. I redirect. I speak what I want to happen instead. It’s not toxic positivity. It’s intentional creation. I’m also a firm believer that our thoughts create our reality. As above, so below. As within, so without. The moment you start expecting the worst, you’re energetically aligning with it. Instead, decide what you want to experience and don’t even give that shit a moment of your time.
5. Let Go of Shame and Guilt Around Wanting More Whew. This one is still a work in progress for me. I’ve been taught my whole life that wanting more…more money, more success, more comfort….was selfish, ungrateful, or even sinful. But let me be loud and clear here: that’s a big fucking lie. Desire isn’t greed. Desire is direction. And if you can’t name what you want, how the hell is the universe supposed to help you get there?
6. Tell Yourself the Truth No more lying to myself. About how I feel. About what I want. About what’s working and what’s not. No more lying to myself and others just because the conversation might be a little uncomfortable. Radical honesty with yourself is the first step to real transformation. You can’t change what you’re still pretending doesn’t exist.
7. Have Faith - But Make It Radical Believe, with your whole being, that things are unfolding in your favor. Even when they’re not going the way you planned. Sometimes the detour is the destination. Sometimes the “no” is making space for a better “yes.” Have faith, and keep moving.
8. Think Like This Every Damn Day:
- Decide what you want.
- Speak and think as if it’s already yours.
- Stop picturing failure.
- Get fired up about your goals.
- Don’t accept anything less than the life you actually want.
If you follow this, things will shift. You’ll stop feeling like life is happening to you, and start realizing you’re the one holding the pen. The one casting the spell. The one building the world you want to live in. Because you are and you always have been.
If this hit home for you, let me know in the comments. I’m building something over here at Shadows and Sage Co, and you’re more than welcome to join the chaos.